Now obviously I don't hate having friends.

I just hate disagreements because people don't know how to communicate.



And then when they try others get hurt, but at least they do try.



Like... My friends approached me about something and said it was ridiculous with the way I handle one of my biggest struggles in life.



It's like a pet peeve but 100x worse.

Like a pet peeve that you can't ignore that makes you think horribly evil thoughts.

That's what I have to deal with.

And now my friends think the way I handle it is bitchy.

So they want me to call it out at the onset of a trigger?

Then I will.

But I WILL NOT sit around while everyone chews gum around me and go crazy and wait for their gum to lose flavor so they'll spit it out. That could be hours.

I WILL remove myself from that situation, and yeah I feel like they're kind of selfish... But I'd just rather not feel like harming all of them or being selfish myself.



I really don't see how it's selfish of me to leave when I can't handle something.



And yes, my reaction is completely irrational and I hate it. But I haven't gotten medical help yet (which I want too) and therefore I don't know any other way to cope besides removing myself from the situation.

I've wanted to go to a psychiatrist for like a year now but our insurance won't cover it unless I've been previously diagnosed. So that's nice.



But why does everyone have to chew gum when I'm around. I don't see how they can't sacrifice that for me. Just gum. Not food or drink, just gum.



That's like... My biggest request. My biggest trigger.



The way it looks when people chew,

The way it sounds,

When people pop their gum.



Just no, I will go crazy.

But they'll just see me sitting there being quiet because I'm in utter agony and I can't help it.



Then I'll start crying. Because I feel helpless, like theirs no hope, and that no one cares.



And I'm not saying that they dont. It just feels that way. They really just can't understand. And it hurts.







Then there's the fact that I can't seem to sleep past 11:30.

And I went to bed last night(this morning) at 5AM!!

So I'm gonna be running on 6 hours of sleep.

Yaaaaay.... 😑

 


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