So I'm starting a new story. I bought a journal to write in it daily and expand my story and writing abilities. I'm pretty excited about it. I got the idea from the picture below. I've seen the picture on Tumblr and Pinterest a lot and I finally decided to go for it. So kudos to whoever made the picture and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has wrote about this. So no, this is not an original idea.
So I just spent half of my paycheck on tickets to go see Panic! At The Disco with my best friend in July. I'm pretty excited because I know she's been dying to actually see them in concert and we got pit seats so it's gonna be a great time.
On another note, we had to put my dog down yesterday and it was really sad. My entire family was there and that was nice. Her grave is decorated and it's beautiful.
Last night a high school near me hosted a movie event at our local theater as a ministry opportunity. It was very cool that they did that and I kind of wished my school would have thought of it first, but, it was still awesome.
The movie was free, I don't think I mentioned that. It was a christian movie, and probably one of the best there is.
It wasn't all just God this, and God that. It started out quite secular actually, sex, drugs, rock n' roll. The main guy's childhood best friend had committed suicide. So the movie goes through his entire experience with that. I'm not going to spoil it for you (much), but you should totally go and see it. I highly recommend it.
I cried, a lot. It just really hit home in the way that I don't reach out as much as I could. I've recently just been really down about my friends leaving next year for college and scared that I won't have many friends my senior year. Now I'm thinking that maybe I'm supposed to make friends with the people who don't have friends.
The entire point of going to school at all was to change lives, or something meaningful. I haven't been doing too much of that
I want to make a change in my school, and my class. A good portion of the kids in my grade are just huge partiers and they do nothing but hate and judge everyone who isn't in their clique, which is so annoying and hypocritical. But I will learn to love them anyways.
I will choose to love like I want to be loved.
Will you do the same?
Today's a short day at school, Woot! Woot!
It's been a pretty good day besides feeling like I was going to get eaten alive with acid in Chemistry 2. I feel like I'm far too paranoid to be in such a dangerous class, but dang are my hands clean now! I've had two incidents where I've gotten acid on me already, and I'd rather it not happen again.
I thought this would be the most dangerous lab we've done but it most definitely isn't. The next one we do there's a possibility of combustion while the beaker is in our hands. So I think I'll not hold it!
Other than my Chem 2 issues today has been great because people have actually been acknowledging my existence since I know stuff about the Chromebooks and no one else really does. So then I get more opportunity to talk to them too, it's quite nice that I can start opening up to people in my own grade.
It's really gonna suck next year when my best friends are gone. :(
But I'll surely make new friends and have someone I can talk to and hangout with in my grade.
Well, class is about to be out so...
I've finally decided that I no longer need to fret over HIM. He's a cruel, cruel person.
After I asked him a decent question and said a kind farewell (even though I wanted to be rude), he said that he hated me and all this other really horrible stuff.
I really didn't know what to do with myself after that, so I told my friends and they helped me out. I honestly don't know where I would be without them.
On another note, we got Chromebooks at school and it's pretty exciting. So hopefully I'll be blogging more since I'll have the capability.
There comes a time in life, when you've liked someone for so long, that you've fallen in love with them. And the very though of having to go through life loving anyone else, and marrying someone else is absurd.
Everything romantic I read or see makes me think of him, and I just want it to be him saying it.
And then I cry.
But I have a new quote, and here's the picture of it.
Sometimes you just don't know how to explain something that happened; you don't want too.
It's hard to discuss something so embarrassing and wrong.
I've made a lot of stupid desicions her lately and I am being forced to keep quiet because the other person in the situation would never talk to me again.
And I can't even handle the thought of that. So I keep my mouth closed and suffer in silence.
It's quite obvious when he is brought up that I'm upset about him. We've fought enough that it seems normal I guess, an no one asks questions.
And I'm left with no support, because no me knows, and there is no way I'm telling him all these horrible feelings that myself and him brought upon me.
On top of everything this app is being stupid, and I might be left home alone tonight to wallow in self pity.
I have a hard time turning to God too, because I can't forgive myself, and in that I keep myself from receiving God's forgiveness.
Life sucks today. Plain and simple.
I wanna cry all the time because I hate myself and I hate that I'm so young and that I don't know what I want to do with my life as that if we are ever together it will be so long from now.
I'm starting to realize a lot of things.
I am good at a lot more things than I thought.
I'm more artistic than I thought.
You can't accept God's forgiveness until you forgive yourself.
And that maybe you are holding back, just to see where my life is going to go, because you don't wanna hold me back from my hopes and dreams.
Maybe we are supposed to be together, jut not now. But like 10 years from now.
I don't plan on waiting for you, but if the time were to come and we were to both be single and successful then maybe.
I state up until 4 am the other night writing a story. I think it's one of the best yet.
It's a love story, like always.
It was kind of me expressing my feelings on some things.
I'll be putting it up soon :)