Everything is just so confusing with us now.

People are saying things have changed, and I've noticed it too.

You keep saying things out of the blue that make you even more right for me.

I've never felt like we would be together so much someday until recently.

And I want to say something, but I really know the timing isn't right.

When I alluded to my thoughts being about us, you wanted me to talk about it, even though I said it didn't seem right.

Can you just realize that you're in love with me?


It feels like pieces are missing,

You're acting different,

You've said interesting things,

Someday hopefully all pieces will fit back together,

And our entire relationship will make more sense.

But until then I'll stay here and adore you and wish we were together. Because I just can't get over you..

This is one of my best friends lady and gentleman. He's super weird. And a creeper. Haha

He said I wouldn't post this on every social network ever. But He's wrong :P

Fun Times:
I've had a lot of fun bonding with some of the girls in my group the past few weeks. We've made a lot of inside jokes and a lot of memories. I'm glad I've pushed past anything I've ever thought and that I decided to get closer to them.
I miss some of my other friends though. I'm thinking of two in particular. It used to be the three of us, then more and more people came into the group. And I miss it just being us. I was so close to both of them. 
I just miss them :(

But it's okay, life will go on, people grow apart and that is a part of life.

Ugh. Work, disagreeing, singlehood.
It all sucks.
Work is good, besides the fact that it always seems that the perfect work days get ruined by my manager being retarded. And I can't really handle disagreeing with people on things. I'm working on it, but it's so hard for me..
And I HATE being single! It sucks.. 

Anyways that's all..`
Now obviously I don't hate having friends.

I just hate disagreements because people don't know how to communicate.

And then when they try others get hurt, but at least they do try.

Like... My friends approached me about something and said it was ridiculous with the way I handle one of my biggest struggles in life.

It's like a pet peeve but 100x worse.

Like a pet peeve that you can't ignore that makes you think horribly evil thoughts.

That's what I have to deal with.

And now my friends think the way I handle it is bitchy.

So they want me to call it out at the onset of a trigger?

Then I will.

But I WILL NOT sit around while everyone chews gum around me and go crazy and wait for their gum to lose flavor so they'll spit it out. That could be hours.

I WILL remove myself from that situation, and yeah I feel like they're kind of selfish... But I'd just rather not feel like harming all of them or being selfish myself.

I really don't see how it's selfish of me to leave when I can't handle something.

And yes, my reaction is completely irrational and I hate it. But I haven't gotten medical help yet (which I want too) and therefore I don't know any other way to cope besides removing myself from the situation.

I've wanted to go to a psychiatrist for like a year now but our insurance won't cover it unless I've been previously diagnosed. So that's nice.

But why does everyone have to chew gum when I'm around. I don't see how they can't sacrifice that for me. Just gum. Not food or drink, just gum.

That's like... My biggest request. My biggest trigger.

The way it looks when people chew,

The way it sounds,

When people pop their gum.

Just no, I will go crazy.

But they'll just see me sitting there being quiet because I'm in utter agony and I can't help it.

Then I'll start crying. Because I feel helpless, like theirs no hope, and that no one cares.

And I'm not saying that they dont. It just feels that way. They really just can't understand. And it hurts.

Then there's the fact that I can't seem to sleep past 11:30.

And I went to bed last night(this morning) at 5AM!!

So I'm gonna be running on 6 hours of sleep.

Yaaaaay.... 😑

Fighting with your friends is inevitable, and I hate it.

Things change, people change, and it freaks people out.

A big thing with teenage drama is miscommunication. If all my friends would just tell everyone how they felt then we would all be so much happier. When one person is being ridiculous then only a few people say something it's ridiculous to think they're the only ones.

Then there's the selfishness.

Damn that's the worst part.

No one can tell someone they're right because they're too pissed.

I just hate it all.

I hate having friends.

I hate trusting people.

It's times like these that I just want to be a loner.

Like for reals.


Jensen Ackles in this show... 
I could make-out with his face. 
I mean he's frickin sexy the way he cares for his brother...
 And his eyes...
  And his muscles...
   And his hair...
    And his face...
Okaiiii so I miiiight be obsessed.. I don't know :P
I always come back around to you. 
It's inevitable if you ask me, and in a way, I love to like you.
I love the day dreaming, the gazing, the ogling, the giddy feeling, the long talks about nothing, and the hope of a future with you.
But I don't miss the heartbreak. Would anyone though? The hope I always thought I had to be with you was never a hope at all. The long talks would sometimes turn into ones about our feelings, and there I am crying in your car in the Taco Bell parking lot. Those were the worst, then I felt hopeless, like I would be forever alone. 
I know that probably isn't the case, and that we are just meant to be friends. But I still feel like there's some chance that we will be. I guess only time will tell. I just wish that someone would come along and sweep me off my feet to distract me from you. Just for a little while; show me that there's more out there.
I guess that's what college will be for... In three years.
At least we still have those long random talks, and a future of some sort. 
I'll always love you in some way, that's for sure.